so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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