After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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