Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
