If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
