The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
