either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
