Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
