I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
