none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I currently don't understand fingers.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
