You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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