Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
