mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
