We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
