My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
