No stitches, just platelets and will power
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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