My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
