If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
