U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
