Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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