I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
