my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
