Do vagina's smell?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
