and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
