Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
