Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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