best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
