It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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