New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
