You smell like stripper and shame
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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