And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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