Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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