Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
soo... how was my night?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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