I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
