Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
