I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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