I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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