i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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