Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
don't judge my taste in strippers
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
