I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
