Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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