I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
