ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
