I think my fart just growled at me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
