you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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