youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
