I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
