i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
