Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
