So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
