Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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