Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
