it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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