we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
