how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
