Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
