Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
