She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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