i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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