She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
