i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
