yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
