I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
