We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
