He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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