Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
