I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
