My underwear smells like fireworks.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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