Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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