I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
