seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
