Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
do herpes really smell.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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