i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
