Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
