He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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