life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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