I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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