roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
