Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
