just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Watching her eat just hurts me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
