Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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