Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Holy sore nipples Batman
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
