Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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