Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize