Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
